- - - ---------------------------------------- - - -



determinedly ambiguous

talent . music . art . sarcasm . intelligence .
broadway musicals . literature . L(ower) E(ast) S(ide).
brooklyn . madrid . crown royal . cuisine . eccentricities . tattoos (no flash) . non-traditionalists . opera . animation . PBR . football . flamenco . cynicism . espresso . film noir .

monica naranjo . lana parrilla .
alejandro sanz . mina . keith haring .
wolfgang amadeus mozart . dante . marilyn manson. almodovar . joaquin sabina . pablo neruda . dali .

hypocrisy . ignorance . reality television.
improper grammar . douchebags . elitists . bobby flay . censorship . nausea . politics . stereotypes.

- - - ----------------------------------------- - - -

Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Eyes are the Windows to the Overwhelming Sexual Tension

Hello my little SQ Newbies, in today’s chapter we will be talking about something very prominent in all Swan Queen scenes, something Regina Mills and Emma Swan could probably trademark and make a profit off of … can you guess what it is?

I’ll give you some time to think about it as we take a look at some notable movie/TV characters who clearly hate/despise one another .. this is what typical “hate/loathing/I want nothing more than to destroy the very essence of your being” looks like:

Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort


Bill and Eric (while fighting over Sookie) from True Blood


Edward and Jacob from Twilight

(As I hang my head in shame from even mentioning this)


Spike and Angel from Buffy


Deb and LaGuerta from Dexter


Xena and pretty much anyone who fucks with Gabrielle


Now let’s take a look at how our favorite Mayor, Regina Mills, and Ms. Swan look at one another:

Do you greet your enemy at the door like this?


Oh Emma, you must just love Regina’s forbidden fruit baking ..


… now kiss

.. no wait you guys are mad at each other in this scene, OH my bad.


.. at that moment Regina suddenly decided she wanted her order “to go”


No caption needed for this one …

but .. Emma why are you staring at her perfectly flawless mouth?


Just kidding! This is my manip ..

but hey, they look at each other like that all the time regardless.


So did you guys figure it out yet?

If you said EYE SEX, then you are absolutely right and could probably write the rest of this book for me .. let’s consult the leading online dictionary for a proper definition of eye sex, and by proper online dictionary I mean Urban Dictionary, of course.

1. eye sex

The act of two people staring at each other in such a lustful way they might as well be doing it.

Or .. in other words .. Emma Swan and Regina Mills in every scene together ..

.. I mean seriously, this should be painfully obvious to everyone .. and by painfully I mean the sexual tension must be downright painful for these two, and by everyone I mean, it doesn’t matter whether you’re heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, trisexual, asexual, if you have some type of sex drive you should be able to spot this.

If for some unknown reason you can’t see it, then I suggest you ask Siri for the number to your local optometrist to schedule an eye appointment. 

Oh, your eyesight is perfectly fine, you say? But still no SQ in sight?

Well, if your eyesight is perfectly fine, and you still can’t see it - then find your token gay boy or lesbian cutie and ask them to bring you along to the gay club one Friday night ..  because, unfortunately, you’re obliviously heterosexual missing out on some serious lesbionic TV goodness.  

Just a suggestion dear (I am trying to help you here), by no means is that a swipe at heterosexuals, we gaymos love you guys and just want to teach you how to be able to partake in the joy that is SQ like we do. 

However, there is no need to fret, just keep reading this guide and soon you too will be jumping on the SS Swan Queen faster than Regina can look Emma up and down like she’s about to have her for dessert (apples included)!

In conclusion, I shall leave you all with a lasting image (not mine, but whoever made it has my undying admiration) of these memorable Swan Queen Eye Sex moments:

Stay tuned for Chapter 3 ..

Oh and by the way:

Hey Emma and Regina … Thanks for all the

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